The Will to Survive....

I was a bit  too afraid to weigh in this morning... It's too late now since I've already eaten my breakfast and the weight would be completely off. I want to try and weigh myself ultimately once a week, but really every 2 or 3 days... We'll see we'll see~

So far this morning I've eaten a banana, oat bran (135 cal) and I made an omelet with egg whites, and peppers and onions. It wasn't terrible, but I know it's healthy and low in calories. My English class is over too, so all I have to do this morning is finish some of my Mythology class and American History! Then I can start looking into creating my Sailor Fuku cosplay! I told my mom about it but.... She kind of said how I won't have the time and I don't even have a sewing machine... Maybe I can get someone to let me borrow or give me their old one? I'll post it on my facebook and see if anyone has any advice. I've wanted a sewing machine for the LONGEST time... But I guess it's just impossible for me to get one that works...

Ciao~

Back! + Writing a lot

So I recently took a break from this whole ana life... Due to my health just not being in a good spot and over all, loss of motivation. Lucky for me- I only gained about 3 lbs during it all, and right now I'm at 150, as of this morning!!

Here is my tumblr for inspiration, motivating pictures and images - Faerieandpuppets.tumblr.com but I'm going to be posting my more personal things here.

I'm going to start being more comfortable with myself. I see all these girls who post their photos and they look so beautiful and gorgeous. I can never take a decent photo of myself. Ever. I've got a nice camera, a tripod and tons of clothes, places to go, people to see... so how come I can never take nice photos? Well because I have this extra flab on my face. It looks like a double chin to me, but everyone says I'm still growing.

I'm 17. I'm gonna stop growing any minute now. There are these blogger who take self portraits of themselves and I am too an artist, so why can't I look nice as well?! I don't want to be one of those artists who lets themselves go. I love fashion and looking nice a lot. Maybe a little too much? Who knows..

Now I'm a bit more inspired to lose the weight. I have comic con coming up, my first time EVER going to one, and I just want to look super cute and thin in my outfit. It's in about a month, and a couple days. If I can even go, I'm dressing up as a Japanese School Girl Sailor Fuku Uniform. My hair should be about to my armpits by then, and if I can.. I'm going to try and lose 10 lbs! Just enough to show a change, you know?

My new dieting plan seems to be working? So far this morning I'm just eating REALLY healthy. Lots of fiber (Oat mean, oat bran, wheat bread) and then fruits, veggies. This morning I had Blueberry Oatbran, and a cup of tea, with a slice of whole wheat toast with butter. I'm actually going along with the diet plan eating more breakfast than dinner or lunch because basically... The later it gets, the more sick I feel. Eating in the morning seems to work out for the better.

Well I'll be seeing you all! Good luck to everyone losing weight!!

Change of heart.

Okay so i'm going to stop posting on blogspot~ I'll keep the blog up in case i change my mind, but i really do prefer Tumblr. A lot more support and inspiration from others.

Add MYFitnesssPal on the iphone/itouch app~!!  My account is Masuqeraderrr


Oh and i changed my url for my tumblr since it was kinda weird before... http://mythinreflection.tumblr.com/


See you all later (:

Tumblr ~

I absolutely love tumblr!

I use it for my artistic media, posting wips, inspiration, and just funny videos and what not-
Many people make tumblrs for photography, fashion, anime, traveling, really anything you can think of...

So why not make one to help keep my anorexia buddies motivated?
http://deceivingmirror.tumblr.com/ is my link, and i'll promise to keep it updated often, as tumblr is such an easy program to use~ Follow me, or bookmark me, and i hope that i can keep you inspired to want to be thin ♥
I'll continue to update on here as well, but i've been very busy lately so posting and writing out my life takes some time.

I hope to see you all in tumblr (:

~A Dreamer ♥

Time to reach goals...

Does it stress you out? Or help you out?

It really depends... OVerall i don't think it helps me out. Sadly, i can get easily frustrated when results aren't quick- in this case, my weight loss is taking so long. I'm eating healthy, very little, and i'm still fat. I wake up in the morning and have something, under 400-500 calories. Around 150 calories worth of cheezits a day, and then whether i eat dinner or not? Whatever the case, i'm always under 1,00 no matter what! I just hate how i do this every time...

I've got so many nice dresses and skirts, shirts and shorts, but i can't wear them. My stupid big breasts are always making me feel like some mature lady, someone might be looking down them, or thinking "wow her boobs are big" and i hate it so much! If the dress line isn't at the right spot, i look like a little muffin that cooked over. It's disgusting. But then every day i just sweep it aside...

Please, to whoever is watching over me, just please. Give me the willpower to lose all this weight so i can be skinny like when i was younger! So i can wear whatever i want, not having to ask "Do you have this in a Large?" just so they can say no... I want them to say "Sorry, we ran out of extra smalls". I can't keep living like this glutton, who fears to go outside just because she knows she has to wear a baggy sweatshirt, her size 15 pants and minimizer bra.

I know it's a horrible thing to ask for God, but please... Give me anorexia. Make me unable to eat. Destroy my mind, make me starve for days. Have my mind fear food. I just want to be thin.

That's all I've ever wanted.

~A Broken Dreamer ♥

Spring is the time of the Thin

Winter is a very hard time for me to loose weight... My birthday plus Christmas, ONTOP of that, the big move we just had, and the biggest factor, not a lot of foods are in season. I love veggies and fruits, and i could easily survive on them alone. But if they aren't ripe or good looking my mom refuses to buy them, and thus our kitchen is filled with grains and dairy, along with many other unhealthy delights.

She just went out and bought celery, tons of frozen fruit and some other things i can eat without feeling bad about myself.

I realize my goal of loosing all the weight before my birthday was a bit stressful. So i'm starting a new routine. Every Monday and maybe Thursday morning i will weigh in. I'm going to try to reach a goal of 135 by April 24 (easter). That's around 20 lbs in over 40 days, i'm sure i can do it!

I can easily loose 10 or 15 lbs but whenever i reach 150 lbs i get stuck. I can almost never get down to 145 which is horrible since i don't know how i plan to do all this? I think i'm going to have to intensify my diet a bit. Maybe go on the 2468 or ABC i'm not sure.

Well i just had a cup of green tea, and this 100 calorie bagel with strawberry jam, but i'm going to try to hold out til dinner and have something small.

To my followers, i love you guys and i wish you all the best of luck!Spring is around the corner and i'm sure you have some really cute shorts and skirts and dresses you want to wear, showing off your long skinny legs and lovely collarbones ~!

~A Dreamer  ♥

I can never win.

Zara.com

So i'm back to 153... This is ALWAYS The hardest part, every time i diet. I get down to 150 and then i can't get anywhere from between 150-155. My birthday is next week, so till then i'm going to be eating few and healthy. Then on my birthday i'm going to have to screw it, since my auntie, grandmother, her friend and sister are coming down to my house and they now how to eat. As soon as that is over i'm going into hardcore mode!

I'm trying to get in on an art scholarship to this 4 week animation/illustration camp in Philly this summer! It's in June so that gives me about 116 days to lose 38 lbs... That's absolutely doable, even if i loose 2-3 lbs a week, i can reach my goal of 115 (or until my thighs don't touch, boobs are no longer a problem and i can see hip and collar bones) . After my birthday i'm probably going to go on a fast, since i will have totally binged the days before.

Okay math time... So in order to reach my goal of 115 by June 21, the first day of camp, i have to lose .3 lbs a day. That's about 16 1/2 weeks, which means at the LEAST i should be losing around 2-3 lbs a week, which i can surpass easily. I've just got to get my head in the game... I keep losing sight of the goal, but i've just got to keep it in mind and i know i can do it!

Modcloth.com

The Flower Show in Philly is next weekend and we're doing it for my birthday (sorta...) so i'm hopefully going to wear one of my lace dresses (: I'm very excited about this! But in order to do so, me and my mother are going shopping for a white or creme colored bra, and i've set my new goal.... On March 7 i need to be 145. 10 to loose 8lbs. I CAN DO IT!! I promise you all i will try my very very VERY best to complete this goal! And with that, i'm going to head down stairs, make some tea not eat anything til dinner tonight (my mother and I and her friend and daughter are going out to olive garden, I'm getting a salad, i love them so no worries! )



~A Dreamer ♥