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| Taken from Weheartit.com Forgot link. |
I hate it but i won't argue that all the outcomes are bad. I hate feeling nauseous, like i'm going to get sick, but it makes me afraid to eat. Yesterday i ate a "Gobbler" as my Auntie calls it. It was real turkey, a little mashed potato, yellow pepper stuffing and cranberries in between these whole wheat bread slices. It was really good, filling, and small. I would have survived on it solely throughout the day, but when we got to our new house, my mother grandparents and uncle all wanted to go out to eat. They knew i was on a diet, but were stressing "We moved all day, worked out, and we're celebrating your move!" So i had no choice... To keep up my cover however, i drank around 3 glasses of diet coke. I was only able to finish a third of my hamburger, and a handful of waffle fries... I may be hardcore dieting/pro ana but if you put waffle fries and bbq sauce in front of me, it's impossible for me not to eat just 1.
I payed the price, because i was feel so sick when we got home. And because of all the stress and nerves, i ate nothing but around 30 or less reduced fat cheez its. I drank diet coke and diet ginger ale, but my mom things i may be allergic to Nutrasweet, the product they put in diet sodas i believe? I had been drinking a lot of diet soda recently, and this is the 2nd time this has happened, where i had dranken a large quantity of diet soda, and had the same reaction.
So i'm lactose intolerant, and maybe allergic to diet sodas. To be on the safe side, i'm wiping Diet Soda from my diet... Believe me, i'm saddened by this. Deeply. But water is really the best.
Tomorrow i only hope i can eat well. We're probably going to go out to dinner again, and i really think that a hamburger is fine. When it's my only meal, and i no more than half, it's fine. If i eat the entire thing, french fries and an appetizer... That's bad.
I'm sticking to the one meal a day thing. I don't have a full length mirror, or any way to measure myself at the moment. Even my clothes are still packed away. But i know i'm at most 156. I feel awful too, because i haven't been able to respond to any of my ana buddies through email. I just have been so down in the dumps these past few days...
I hope i feel better.
My goal weight for January is still 140, but i might raise it to 145. In reality, it's more of "Lose as much weight as I can" January Goal. Tomorrow i believe we're going grocery shopping.... My list?
Ice berg Lettuce + Vinegrette + olive oil for a Salad.
Stir Fry + Soy Sauce for healthy and easy Stir fry
Whole wheat bread + butter, Jam, Peanut butter for a sammich. I know this one is kinda bad, but it's so simple to make, and can be really filling if i'm drinking the right beverage. On top of that, it stops me from making to much. Too often, i'll be making something to eat, and over estimating the amount i'm prepared to eat. Then i'll make the food, and there will be too much. Being raised by an italian family, i've been accustomed to never wasting food... So i have to eat what i prepare. A sammich is so small, and i know that i'll be full from it. Of course i'll get the low fat, reduced fat, much less calorie version of things. I really want to buy iced tea too, something i can drink that i know won't make me feel sick.
Wishing everyone luck
~A Dreamer ♥
My life goals are at many. But my biggest new years resolution is to shoot for the moon. I've always envied the life of a model. Even if it was simple catalog modeling, i've always wanted to have my face in a magazine and people would see it. Since i'm so fat, i've had a hard time with my appearance. I feel if i was at least 135, i would look so much better, and loose the fat from my face. I'll be growing my hair out, including my bangs, completely, more like the way models wear their hair. I'm also going to be taking much better care of my skin and teeth.